A Beginner's Guide to Emotional Healing


A FRIENDLY REMINDEr: You are perfect as you are.

We want to begin with this truth because a lot of emotional pain is rooted in guilt and shame.

Somewhere along our life journey, we have come to associate these powerful emotional signals as wrong, which you have come to interpret to mean there is something wrong with you.

When in reality, emotional pain is a helpful sign from ourselves that we need some nurturing attention, self-forgiveness, and loving compassion. 


We understand that emotional pain is uncomfortable and disturbing. Often, our gut instinct is just wanting it to go away. This is a normal initial reaction that we all have. We are biologically conditioned to resist pain. 

However, when we try to resist, deny, or suppress emotional pain, we are resisting, denying, or suppressing the hurt parts of ourselves that is trying to desperately tell us something is not right. This creates an inner conflict that is the source of our suffering.

We believe that what we are resisting is the suffering that arises from the inner conflict rather than the emotional pain itself. If the energy of the emotional pain is allowed to totally and truly be as it is, then there would be no struggle, and the emotional pain will naturally resolve itself. 

Do not make yourself wrong if you feel stuck, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. If you feel stuck in the resistance, just work with that first. 

It is not necessary to figure out the cause or the story behind the emotional pain. If the insights come, embrace them but do not seek them out. It is important to stay with the emotional energy in the body. 

Our intention is to acknowledge the FEELING part of feeling. Just be with the feeling itself and let go of trying to "fix" yourself. In order to do this, you need to be willing to BE with yourself by turning your attention inwards. This inward journey is about being with yourself AS YOU ARE and being with what is appearing in you AS IT IS. 


Just take a moment to notice any resistance to what you are feeling or the desire to make someone else responsible for your feelings. If you notice yourself doing this, first, forgive yourself. Most of us are conditioned to resist and blame - especially blame ourselves. It takes practice to become aware of these tendencies and to let go of these limiting expectations of ourselves and others. 

We mentioned earlier, if you do notice resistance, just let that experience be there. Your mind may drift into mental commentary about the past or future, just take notice and let them float on by like clouds drifting by in the sky. 

Stay with what is arising, no matter what arises, allow it come forth naturally, without forcing it to come forth. Your role is simply allowing all things to show up for yourself. 


Once you’ve consciously allowed your emotional pain to be here as it is, you've opened the door to healing. Keep at it. Stay with it. Practice this regularly.

When the unconditional love of acceptance and emotional pain come together, simultaneously occupying the same space at the same time, there is an amazing alchemy of healing. I’ve seen some amazing miracles happen from this simple process, both in my life and in others' as well. 

Bring patience, sensitivity and kindness to this part of yourself.

Let go of any agenda about healing, fixing or changing this energy. Remember, the hurt child (emotional pain) will only hear that as "I'm not okay as I am." It is actually that energy that is at the root of the emotional pain to begin with.

It is quite a paradox, but by totally allowing it to be as it is, then and only then does it feel safe enough to let go.

Toni Kim